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Monday, April 10, 2006

What’s in a name….

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As many of you know, I was married pretty recently, to an awesome (and hot!) guy who is even better than any guy I could have imagined for myself. Everything is great – my family likes him, his family likes me, and all is well.

Except one thing.

I’m having some name change issues. I didn’t think I would have them, but I am. I started having them just a couple of days after the wedding….we received our first envelope addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Hubby’sname Lastname.

Ummm..excuse me? I no longer merit mention on the envelope? I am supposed to satisfy myself with my three letters and punctuation portion of the address? This just doesn’t work for me. In fact, it’s happened a couple of times since (on invitations, cards and the like) and every time I get an envelope with that particular form of address on it….I have to fight the urge to throw it on the ground and shriek like a banshee in a full-on toddler tantrum.

Okay…maybe that’s overreacting a bit. But seriously…what is with this antiquated form of address. I cannot take it. In fact, I’m at the point now where I don’t want to change my name any more. I just find this so utterly offensive. It’s as if I, half the relationship (better or worse…take your pick ;) ) don’t really count anymore. You know what, I have not even written my married name on anything yet. I’m just not quite ready…and I don’t give a flying fart that classical etiquette states that it’s a proper form of address. If we kept all classical etiquette, there would still be slaves and women wouldn’t be voting.

Hubs thinks I’m overreacting. I suggested he take my name, at which point he accused me of being ridiculous. Well…case in point, nobody wants to lose their identity. It’s tough because I’m just at the point in my career where I am *starting* to develop a reputation…I don’t want to undo all that by changing my name and no one being able to find me. I don’t want to hyphenate. I just am not sure what to do.

One thing is for certain though…I have to figure out a way to politely broach the topic with both my MIL and GMIL that envelopes addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Hubby’sname Lastname are NOT cool. I am totally cool with Mr. and Mrs. Hubby’sname and Myname Lastname. But not with the former. I will not stand for it, and I refuse to read it on envelopes for the next fifty years.

On a lighter note, I’m sure you will all be ecstatic to know that I did eventually do the dishes last night….at like 1AM. I didn’t do any hand-washing, but I did unload and reload the dishwasher. It’s always a good first step. Dinner tonight should be tasty – an Indian cheese and spinach curry, along with lentil dahl and basmati rice. Yum! :)

Thanks for reading….sorry for the rant…I figured it was domestic enough to share….


Anonymous said...

Oh I despise that form of traditional address too, and I have taken hubby's last name and am even used to it. It's just an outdated form of address and not appropriate for the 2000's (IMO).

Anyway... I was thinking some Van Gogh prints would look great in your living room/dining room area. The blues would complement the oranges so nicely. Either Starry Night or Cafe Terrace (or both) and I remember you mentioning Van Gogh in your honeymoon blog, so it might be a nice reminder too? Just a thought!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree! I have been married for almost a year now and have still not decided if I am ever going to change my name.

If you hyphenate your name you can then go by your maiden name at work and your married the rest of the time.

Men really do not understand what a huge deal changing your name is until you ask them to do it! It scares me to, I have been me with this name for 28 years!

Anyways, good luck with your decision! I know it is a lot easier to say you are changing your name than actually doing it.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree about Mr. and Mrs. Hubby's Last Name. Definitely NOT appropriate in this day and age; I tend to think very traditionally but I even noticed this at a young age when my parents mail was addressed in this fashion--I couldn't understand why my mom's name wasn't included; I'm all for being "traditional" but to not even have my OWN name. Uh, no! I'm just beginning to fret over what to call myself--thanks for the input. I will probably keep my maiden name and tack on FH's surname to the end.

The pictures of your home are lovely. I agree, bungalows are great!

Torie and Erik said...

I get the same thing from my Grandma. Very annoying. Although my happiness at getting non-bill mail usually outweighs my frustration. That and the fact that she probably won't remember to fix it if I tell her...

What can you do? They're grandmas and they've been around long enough to address letters how they want.

Good luck!

leslie @ definitely not martha said...

laurie11 - I actually based the colours in my room from a reproduction I have of Café Terrasse. I will look into starry night would look cool, and I like the idea of blue complementing the orange. :) Thanks!

macnic - yeah, I know it's an overreaction. The problem is that my MIL is one of the transgressors....and she is one of those people who sends you a thank you note after you visit we get a lot of mail from her.

outdoorgal - no worries. ;)

Jenny said...

Love the rant! This is a topic near and dear to my heart. I'm still haveing a hard time coming to terms with the whole name change thing. FH thinks I'm nuts! Funny, when I asked him to change his last name to mine, it was an entirely different story.

Anonymous said...

I am totally with you on the name change. It drives me up the wall and makes me want to write "return to sender" on the envelopes.

The worst person I've run into this problem with is one of my husband's friends from high school. She's so happy to be Mrs. Husbandsname Husbandslastname that she can't for the life of her figure out why I'm going by Ms. Mylastname-Hislastname. She continues to refer to me as Mrs. Hislastname, even though we have both spoke to her about my preference.

I just think it's so incredibly rude of other people to try to force their values on others. I mean, IT'S MY NAME - get it right!!!!

I'm so happy to know that there are other new brides out there who feel the same way I do!!!

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