What circle was that?

Pin It Now!

For those of you familiar with Dante’s Inferno, you’ll know that Dante ingeniously divides Hell into nine different circles. He takes all the different capital sins (aka the seven deadly sins) and he punishes people in a way that befits the ills they committed on earth. The punishments start rather anemically with people who refuse to “take sides.” They are not evil enough to merit actual hell, so they are stuck in its vestibule. Now, because these people were not stung with conviction in their earthly existence, they are doomed to eternally chase a banner, whilst being stung by wasps. Nice, eh? And these people aren’t even technically “evil.”

So what circle of hell would I belong in? Well, according to Dante, gluttony (of which I am tremendously guilty of late) is a rather minor deadly sin, and condemns me only to the third circle of hell. Sweet. Now, you may wonder, what fate befalls the glutton? What fate befalls mrbunsrocks? First off, gluttons are forbidden from eating or drinking in hell, because they were so overindulgent during life. Even better, Dante sticks them in putrid ground because garbage was their only product during life. And, to make things worse, gluttons are EATEN and torn apart constantly by Cerberus’ three sets of teeth. (Cerberus is a three-headed dog who guards the entrance to the circle of gluttony…he’s very intent on his meals).

Yikes. If that won’t put me on a diet, I don’t know what will. In continuing the rather literary theme, let’s see what C.S. Lewis has to say about gluttony. Yep, you read that right. Our lovely Narnian author. C.S. Lewis was an extremely religious man, and though the Chronicles come with the trappings of ‘kiddie lit’, if you read them from a certain perspective, you can interpret each one to be a separate diatribe on each of the seven capital sins. This isn’t necessarily the best scholarly approach to analysis, as it is a bit simplistic, but if anyone will remember Edmund, from the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, there, we have a classic example of what fate awaits the glutton. For those of you who don’t remember Edmund, he was the one whom the Witch woed with promises of Turkish Delight. Even worse though, after Edmund leaves the Witch, he’s still completely obsessed with the Turkish Delight – this can be interpreted to be a like temptation, Eve eating the apple and all that original sin stuff. Bottom line though, gluttony leads Edmund into being a traitor.

Will all of this rather scholarly preamble, you’re probably wondering why I’m just blathering and why I’m not confessing. The answer is that I’m almost too ashamed to confess. I was AWFUL yesterday. The day started out okay – with a super yummy breakfast burrito – whole wheat tortilla, slice of cheddar, omega three egg, hot salsa and a bit of low-fat sour cream. Yummy. Then I ate my lunch, which wasn’t too bad either (penne with tomato sauce, peppers and lean Italian sausage). But then I was still feeling muuuuuuuuuunnnnnnchy, so I got a small order of fries from the cafeteria. And then I completely and totally doused them in vinegar and salt.

Not so good eh? It got worse. In the afternoon, I was still feeling munchy, so I got a Crispy Crunch (not good) and had a coffee. And THEN, when I got home from work, I ate a third of a box of really fattening crackers, and then compounded it with HALF a large pizza (pepperoni, bacon and mushrooms), with ultra-fatty creamy garlic dipping sauce and a non-diet Dr. Pepper.

And did I work out? Ummmmm…no. I poured myself a glass of wine and drew myself a bubble bath.

How’s that for self-indulgence?

Oh, and I had chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.

Do I, or do I not belong with all the other gluttons. And did I mention that it’s cold and rainy eternally there? Blech. Dante didn't even put any cool people there.